A Bakers Dozen Thoughts Why I Won’t Celebrate St. Patrick’s Day

1. Every place is too crowded with drunks who think that they hold their booze perfectly, simply because they are Irish.

2. Being around Italian-Americans claiming to be Irish isn’t in me anymore.

3. Too many red headed people in one place annoy me.

4. If sex happens between two redheads in a bars backroom, it will stink up the place with that red haired pube funk – if you have red pubes, and or have no idea what I’m talking about, there is a specific odor that is local to only your colored crotchal area, that no other colored crotch has, it’s just different, yet uniform in it’s differences.

5. Too many redheaded couples will have sex in the backrooms of bars.

6. Being around Polish-Americans that claim to be Italian-Americans, who are also claiming to be Irish on this day to keep following the Italian-American crowd, just don’t get it.

7. The St. Patrick’s Day Parade and festivities might be worth attending if they held it in a warm month.

8. Restaurants always throw their regular menu out the window and opt for traditional Irish food – there’s the reason of corned beef and hash being disgusting as to why traditional Irish restaurants are few and far between and empty.

9. If I wanted to live in the movie “Gangs of New York” I would build a time machine.

10. I never want to see a “Kiss Me, I’m Irish” sticker, button, or shirt ever again.

11. A sea of green is a sea of prejudice.

12. If you need the excuse of a holiday to drink, you are clearly an amateur.

13. Being Catholic isn't cool.

Now go have fun, and get yourself arrested for peeing on a lamppost, kids.